Lyriikka ›

Tää biisi o viä keske,mut tälläst lyriikkaa tuli
kun mietein erästä henkilöä..
 
In this moment i´m dreaming
When i close my eyes
I can see you sleeping
Just when everything feels so perfect i´m awake
And these letters on your name
Keeps whispering the sound..
 
I´m falling with my shame!!
Heal my wings please help me fly again!!
 
When the stars watching me..
It feels like something crawls down on my spine
When the sun is smiling..
Everything feels so real just like the last night
 
With lonely eyes i´m screaming
When i open my eyes
I can see you leaving
Just when everything feels to collapse darkness falls
And these letters on your name
Keeps whispering the sound..
 
I´m falling with my shame!!
Heal my wings please help me fly again!!
 
When the stars watching me..
It feels like something crawls down on my spine
When the sun is smiling..
Everything feels so real just like the last night
 
Today the night falls and you will stay
But tomorrow the morning takes you away..again
(Once again you are gone)
 
When the stars watching me..
It feels like something crawls down on my spine
When the sun is smiling..
Everything feels so real just like the last night
(Just like the last night)
 
I want to sleep forever!!

Ihan jees. Kuitenkin hieman rakentavaa kritiikkiä.
 
"And these letters on your name
Keeps whispering the sound.."
Jos nimen kirjaimet kerran kuiskailevat, verbiin ei tule y.3.p. s-tunnusta vaan verbi on m.3.p. eli ihan pelkkä "keep" - ja mieluiten siis "keep on"
-> "and these letters of your name keep on whispering the sound"
 
"When the stars watching me.."
-> When the stars are watching me
 
"It feels like something crawls down on my spine"
Jos ja kun tämä tapahtuu tähtien katsellessa, verbiin sama muoto:
-> It feels like something's crawling down my spine"
 
"With lonely eyes i'm screaming"
Tästä kielikuvasta pidin.
(Vielä enemmän pitäisin, jos "I" kirjoitettaisiin läpi lyriikoiden isolla kirjaimella.)
 
"Just when everything feels to collapse darkness falls"
Kaksi vaihtoehtoa:
"Just when everything feels like collapsing", tai
"Just when everything seems to collapse"
johtuen merkityserosta verbien "tuntea" ja "tuntua" välillä.